I know things up to this point in your life have not been ideal. You have endured much at this tender age. The spunkiness and the laughter that once adorned your face.....the grins that stretched from ear to ear have long been replaced with sentiments of fear, loneliness, anger, shame and guilt. Please know that it wasn't your fault.
Your parents will divorce this year and although you shout for joy and you seem happy because finally the screaming and yelling will stop...I know that you just want daddy back home. You want your family back together. I know that you yearn for stability and security. You will not get the opportunity to see your father until Karen graduates high school and he sees you pregnant at 18. But there is hope!
Speaking of high school, you would have attended three high schools by this time and there are three more to go. By now you are not the dorky little Sydney with thick glasses, bad haircuts and battling weight issues. You have contacts and it changes the reflection of who you see in the mirror. You have thinned out but not by exercise and good eating habits. You certainly have changed but not in a good way. The shield that your mother tried to provide to hide you from the truths and reality of a broken world has been shattered and destroyed long ago. You seek your own path. But there is hope!
You have been hanging out with a much different crowd then you are used to. You will feel scared. You really don't want to be there but your voice is drowned out. Your thoughts and actions are governed by another. You want so much to be accepted and loved. You would do anything for the attention to continue. I know you desperately want to feel accepted. But there is hope!
Don't despise being so much like your mother. You will all to soon understand that she truly loves you. You come from a long line of woman who have suffered for the sake of others. Don't mistake her love, care, words of encouragement and her suffering for weakness. She will be the strongest and most courageous person you will ever know.
The dreams and hopes that you have at this point in time will never be realized. You will not see the light in the midst of all the darkness, yet. But dearest Sydney you will.
There is hope in the midst of all that you have yet to endure. Yes, Sydney there is much more to come. There are still many more tears to shed, heart aches that you find comfort in forming habits that will eventually control every aspect of your life in the years to come. But there is hope!
The light of Jesus Christ will shine on your life and the Truth will be revealed to you. Yes, I said Jesus. Remember, it was this year that you met a young woman who was in love with Jesus and you even went to church with her. I would have to say to not listen to your mom and have her talk to you about the real JESUS! It will be about ten more years until you surrender your life to HIM. I told you there is hope!
You will come to know love...real love. No longer will you have to face life alone. No longer will you have the overwhelming feeling of "it's me against the world". You will be hidden in the love of the Most High GOD! Yes, you Sydney!
Please know that through it all you have been loved and yes, even cared for.
This is not at all the type of music that you listen to now but I think it is very appropriate.
I was made to love You
I was made to find You
I was made just for You
Made to adore you
I was made to love
and be loved by You
You were here before me
You were waiting on me
and You said You'd keep me
Never would You leave me
I was made to love and be loved by YOU!
by Toby Mac - Made to Love
You in 18 years,
Read Karen's Letter to My Teenage Self here.
Link up with a letter to your younger self here: Letter to My Teenage Self